The 9 Types Of Auto Mechanics

So while sitting here stewing about what happened to my car (see my earlier "Khufi Category" where I blast the asshole that wronged me) I got to thinking if I had EVER had the auspicious honor of meeting a truly honest mechanic. I have, but alas, this only lead to the realization that although honest it did not stop them from being total pricks. So with that in mind I decided to take a page out of Matt Groening's playbook and present you with:


The Nine Types of Auto Mechanics

1. The Friend/Relative

Pros: Less likely to screw you over, cheap
Cons: Might exagerrate his skills, can cause more problems than he solved, takes forever (he can only work on it in his spare time), if the repairs go wrong it can sour the relationship

2. The Dealer

Pros: Knowledgeable about your make of car
Cons: Its a corporation so haggling is out of the question, expensive, dishonest (will make a mountain out of a mole hill)

3. The Rope-A-Dope

Pros: Cheap, knowledgeable
Cons: Will start your repairs at one cheap price but will mysteriously unearth other problems in the middle of fixing one thing, you wont be able to indentify him until he has you by the balls and is asking for more money

4. Mr. Explains-It-All

Pros: Honest, efficient, will explain everything about whats wrong your vehicle
Cons: Expensive (apparently honesty comes with a surcharge), will make you feel insecure about your car

5. The Father

Pros: Moderately priced, knowledgeable, makes you feel secure in his services
Cons: Will lecture you, is usually the Rope-A-Dope in disguise

6. The Self-Proclaimed Expert

Pros: Honest about the repairs that are needed
Cons: He's a self proclaimed expert for a reason; repairs take forever, once he cracks the car open he will be incompetent to proceed, a third party ends up taking over (usually the Rope-A-Dope or The Blackhole)

7. The Fossil

Pros: Cheap, established
Cons: Does not have all the tools of a modern auto shop, might be operating out of his garage, usually ends up causing more problems than he solves, only accepts cash

8. The Blackhole

Pros: Moderately priced, knowledgeable
Cons: Thinks he's the only game in town so his customer service is terrible, will find things wrong with your car to inflate the cost of repairs, if you haggle with him he will make you feel like he's doing you a favor by coming down on the price, you'll be back again and again...., head for zee hills.

9. My Hero

Pros:Fairly priced, honest, friendly, knowledgeable, efficient
Cons: Near extinction, can turn into Mr. Explains It All or The Blackhole, Is usually hired by The Dealer