Is she really a Lesbian? How can I tell?

just recently, a friend of this blog was placed in a situation where a conquest claimed the "L" designation yet continued to give the idea that a full court press could return her to the land of "D". Needless to say, this ended in a rather embarassing situation for all involved. So to save everyone some time (and money) in the future, let us go over the signs that will let you know that she is not bullshitting when she says she is a lezbo.

1) She has kids - This is a surefire sign in my book. It means that she was straight but at some point or another she developed an aversion to cock. There is no turning this one back. She has sampled the goods and put them back on the shelf.

2) All her friends are lesbians too - Do I really need to explain?

3) She only gives you mixed signals when she's drunk - She's wasted and is flirty. Cliche as it may be but "All bitches are the same" just cause she loses some inhibition while in an altered state does not mean that you are her cup of tea and that she will fuck you once the effects have worn off.

4) One of the first things she tells you is that she's gay - If she tells you right off the bat it is definately not a lame excuse to blow you off. She's serious about her lesbianism and is letting you know that you and your penis have no chance in hell.

I might get sued for this...

But who the fuck cares!

Do not get your car worked on at D&K Automotive in Ruskin, FL!

It's owner, Mike Farrington, is a dishonest mechanic!

See my last Khufi Category entry for details!

Hiatus...

I've been crazy busy with work...but I hope to updating more frequently from now on. I will set aside some time at night.

The 9 Types Of Auto Mechanics

So while sitting here stewing about what happened to my car (see my earlier "Khufi Category" where I blast the asshole that wronged me) I got to thinking if I had EVER had the auspicious honor of meeting a truly honest mechanic. I have, but alas, this only lead to the realization that although honest it did not stop them from being total pricks. So with that in mind I decided to take a page out of Matt Groening's playbook and present you with:


The Nine Types of Auto Mechanics

1. The Friend/Relative

Pros: Less likely to screw you over, cheap
Cons: Might exagerrate his skills, can cause more problems than he solved, takes forever (he can only work on it in his spare time), if the repairs go wrong it can sour the relationship

2. The Dealer

Pros: Knowledgeable about your make of car
Cons: Its a corporation so haggling is out of the question, expensive, dishonest (will make a mountain out of a mole hill)

3. The Rope-A-Dope

Pros: Cheap, knowledgeable
Cons: Will start your repairs at one cheap price but will mysteriously unearth other problems in the middle of fixing one thing, you wont be able to indentify him until he has you by the balls and is asking for more money

4. Mr. Explains-It-All

Pros: Honest, efficient, will explain everything about whats wrong your vehicle
Cons: Expensive (apparently honesty comes with a surcharge), will make you feel insecure about your car

5. The Father

Pros: Moderately priced, knowledgeable, makes you feel secure in his services
Cons: Will lecture you, is usually the Rope-A-Dope in disguise

6. The Self-Proclaimed Expert

Pros: Honest about the repairs that are needed
Cons: He's a self proclaimed expert for a reason; repairs take forever, once he cracks the car open he will be incompetent to proceed, a third party ends up taking over (usually the Rope-A-Dope or The Blackhole)

7. The Fossil

Pros: Cheap, established
Cons: Does not have all the tools of a modern auto shop, might be operating out of his garage, usually ends up causing more problems than he solves, only accepts cash

8. The Blackhole

Pros: Moderately priced, knowledgeable
Cons: Thinks he's the only game in town so his customer service is terrible, will find things wrong with your car to inflate the cost of repairs, if you haggle with him he will make you feel like he's doing you a favor by coming down on the price, you'll be back again and again...., head for zee hills.

9. My Hero

Pros:Fairly priced, honest, friendly, knowledgeable, efficient
Cons: Near extinction, can turn into Mr. Explains It All or The Blackhole, Is usually hired by The Dealer

ANOTHER LEAK!!!

This just came in from DJ Hi-Def! Hot Shit!

Comin 8/1...Hi-DEF & Max B. The Wave Is Over? Mixtape More songs to follow in the following weeks, for now enjoy these 3 leaks:
Max B. ft Jay Burna and Lauren Hill-Wavy La (HD remix)link: http://usershare.net/5j0bkrlclr3m

Max B. ft Charles Hamilton-Devils and Slaws (HD remix)link:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/624233475ce54153

Max B. ft Jay Burna-Diamonds and Pearls 2009link:
http://usershare.net/at182b3lgen4

Peace!

The Khufi Category!

Preface: The subject of this entry has actually threatened me with a defamation of character lawsuit so I will edit his name and the name of his business, but if you get at me in a private message I will run down all the info on this cocksucker.



Name: M*****e F*******n



Occupation: Dishonest mechanic, thief, redneck, gimp, owner of D********K Automotive in Ruskin, FL


Why he's in here: This redneck cocksucker first came around months ago when my car broke down due to what was originally thought to be a broken head gasket but unfortunately progressed to a cracked head. I brought the car this guy's shitty little business because he had the most reasonable price and he had no complaints on his record. I'm always careful when searching for a mechanic because most of them are dishonest assholes (more on this later). So I have the car towed to this guy near the end of February and let him get to work and this is where my troubles began. Originally the work was to take two days but when he pulled out the cylinder head the engine was shot to shit and after a brief negotiation on the price M****e told me that he would have it done in a week at a cost of a little over $1,000.00. Long story short the "week" stretched into 15 days in which the only response I would get is "I don't know why it's not starting". Finnally after bugging the shit out of him my car was done but wouldn't you know it that that shit broke down again within 10 fucking days of having it fixed. I called this gimpy son-of-a-bitch to let him know so that he would stand behind his fucking repairs but got a "I'm too busy to see about your car". Thats when I had enough and sued this asshole for the cost of repairs and lost wages (on account of not having a car). The court date came and this arrogant fuck had the gall to argue that because he made me a discount on the labor that I got what I paid for in the sense that he only did enough labor to justify what I paid for and that there was no guarantee on his part that the car would run adequately. What a crock of shit! Fortubately, the court agreed with me and gave me judgement on the case but when I try to collect, guess what? This cocksucker had already declared himself bankrupt thus making any collection effort on my part mute.

I guess it is true when they say that sometimes the cheapest solution is the most expensive. What a fucking crook.

Update

I've been gone for a while but I am back just to give all the readers an update...lately I've been working my ass off trying to get this paper but hopefully my schedule will free up a bit more in these coming weeks so that I can blog on a more frequent basis. Also at the end of this month Hi Def and myself will be putting out our first collaborative comedy mixtape entitled "Role Models". No music on here folks, just the two of terrorizing businesses with immature prank calls. "Role Models" will come bundled with the re-release of Hi Def's first prank call mixtape entitled "The Spirit" both links will be posted here (and surprisingly enough on datpiff.com) for your listening pleasure, so stay on the lookout. In the meantime, I will be back to add to the Khufi Category and throw in a rant or two since there is honestly not that much to review.

Thanks and keep reading!